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Phallus Starcrotch
Phallus Starcrotch, Rogue Trader extraordinaire and famously known for his paranoia of poisons and their potential application to him, is a man preceded by his reputation, though it does not do him full justice. Personality Lord Starcrotch is widely known for his obsessive fear of poisons, resulting in his adamant refusal to wear clothes, sit down on furniture he has not checked for poison and the habit of covering his body in oils as to prevent taking poison in over skin. Naturally, the lack of clothing brings its own risks with it, resulting in Phallus employing a great number of bodyguards, which are equally required to stay mostly nude, resulting in a great rate of attrition among their ranks. Of course, Lord Starcrotch is a complete egotist like every other Rogue Trader in the Galaxy and is a peak physical specimen, both to stay ahead of his many enemies, and to reveal the heights the human body can aspire to. An entrepreneur, Phallus leads his fleet across the borders of the galaxy, frequently appearing unannounced in the offices of Planetary Governors to gratulate them for assisting him in his endeavors, a revelation which usually comes as a surprise to said Governors. However, most quickly give in, less because of the authority he carries and more to rid themselves of his unsettling presence. Appearance Phallus is a human male of impressive size and mass, distributing it evenly over most parts of his body with a slight concentration in the abdomen. Of dark complexion in skin, a good amount of body surface is covered by dark hair, slicked back on his head and trimmed to an impressive mustache on his face. Due to an acute fear of being poisoned through his clothes, Lord Starcrotch refuses to wear any. The sole piece of matter shielding his body is a diamond-studded holster worn over his groin, which holds a master crafted Plasma Pistol. He keeps himself in peak physical shape to stay ahead of his perceived pursuers, most prominently a certain Puritan Inquisitor, who regards Phallus' appearance as highly heretical and therefore attempts to clad him on every occasion. Shockingly, it is believed that this diamond-studded codpiece, nanofabricated to perfection on both human forge worlds and alien laboratories, is worth more than the artficer Plasma weapon it holds. History The Starcrotch Dynasty is a long, sorbid and indeed extremely embarassing tale for the Imperium of Man. Paranoia and instability seems to have been the mainstay of the line, founded by Lord Ebeneezer Starcrotch, who famously bricked himself in the living quarters of his own ship. How the Trader managed to reproduce is a riddle to haunt Imperial sages for decades to come, but reproduce he did, and spawned an entire dynasty of Rogue Trader who would go on to make many xenos and imperial officials extremely uncomfortable for centuries to come. Retinue Like any other Rogue Trader, Lord Starcrotch keeps an entourage of both charmingly quirky individuals and horrifying alien monstrosities. * Remus - Blackshield, formerly of the Emperor's Children Chaos Legion, Remus is Stracrotch's personal bodyguard, attendant and butler. Despite being (mostly) reformed, Remus is often distracted by the psychadelic patterns of light that shine off Phallus' oiled skin, and takes to his duties as his lord's attendant with both seriousness and perversity. * Sister Gretchen - Formerly assigned to the position of Retributor, Sister Gretchen's love for heavy weapons goes well above what could be considered healthy. Whether Heavy Bolters, equally weighed Flamters, Multimeltas or Grenade and Rocket Launchers, there is no weapon the Sister is not ready and willing to deploy against those Phallus points or looks at. Enemies * The Inquisitor - Little is known about this particular enemy of Phallus, aside from that the repeated attempts to cover up Lord Starcrotch's persistent nudity. Believed to be a Puritan, there is not much else known about his motivation. Usually, his attempts to cover the Rogue Trader gradually devolved from the application of brute force into elaborate schemes. Trivia * Phallus' original shtick, only wearing a crotch holster with a Plasma pistol, was the idea of some greenlet in response to the threat of having your clothes poisoned. He'll be properly credited as soon as I find out his username. (BacaloV) Category:Characters Category:Imperial Characters Category:Rogue Traders